You never know what you're going to see at the Lincoln Home. A typical hour-long shift as the ranger stationed at the visitor center information desk usually consists of counting people who come through the door, scheduling tours of the home, and issuing tickets to cute little families. On a normal day, the visitor center shift provides a nice break from the craziness of trying to keep 8th graders from stepping off of the blue carpet inside the house, thus setting off a series of alarms. Today, however, my visitor center shift proved to be a bit more eventful than usual.
At about 3:25 this afternoon, I was standing behind the visitor center desk with one of our volunteers, Paula. Paula is a sweet older lady who comes to the park once a week to help us manage visitor center traffic by providing directions to visitors. We were chatting about something when two black guys came storming into the visitor center. One of them said very forcefully, "Hey, we wanna file a complaint." I asked them what their complaint was about, and they said that they had just been kicked off of a Lincoln Home tour by their ranger guide. I tried to get a clear story from them (and quickly realized they were drunk), but all they kept saying was, "That ranger should be fired! We wanna see him fired right now!" After about a minute of talking in circles with them, I finally just asked, "Why did he kick you off of the tour?" They both stopped talking, looked at me, and one of them said, "Because we're black. We was the only black guys on that tour, and we was the only ones who got kicked out." I guess I looked skeptical because then the other one said, "Come on, man. We're just two guys from outta town wantin' to learn 'bout Lincoln. We was just askin' questions in there. We have got
in-quis-i-tive minds, you know?" He seriously emphasised "inquisitive minds."
Strike one for them: they said they were from out of town, but I recognized them as guys who walk through the neighborhood on a regular basis. Strike two for them: they were really beginning to appear to be very drunk. One of them especially was starting to look very uncomfortable. Anyway, I told them that I would pass on their complaint to my supervisor. But they said, "No, man. We wanna get that guy fired right now. We want this in writin'." I then told them that I would call my supervisor and they could give the complaint directly to him. By this time both Paula and I were getting pretty uncomfortable. I called Jason and told him that we needed him at the front desk
pronto. He came over and talked to the guys, but they started really tearing into him. Jason looked over at me and mouthed the words: "CALL DAVID" to me (David was the law enforcement ranger on duty this afternoon). One of the men saw Jason mouth something to me, and then the guy really started to freak out. He yelled, "Whoa, what's goin' on? What did you just say to her? Are you guys turnin' on me here?" We assured him that nothing was going on while I discreetly called David and gave him the code word to come to the visitor center immediately.
I think the guys could tell that something was up because they started to make their way to the door. But it was too late for them--David, who loves a good adventure--was already on his way. David stopped them just outside the visitor center and asked them what was going on. They started acting really strange and would not cooperate with him. He called in backup from the Springfield PD, and when the Springfield Police pulled up, the guys decided to act like they were going to cooperate. One of the guys gave David a name, but David looked up the name and found that it was not a real person. So David started pressing the guy about who he really was.
Meanwhile, the other guy walked over to the Springfield Police car and proceeded to urinate
on the car. Bad idea--especially when there is a group of 7th grade kids standing right there. Before anyone could even blink, the urinator was on the ground in handcuffs and was promptly thrown into the back of the police car. Back to the fake name guy: after seeing his buddy get taken down, he gave David a different name. At least this time it was a real person, but it wasn't him. It was his cousin's name. When David finally got the guy's real name, it turned out there there was a warrant out for his arrest. So, he got to go into the back of another police car. And, they both went off to jail.
Wow--it was crazy. How did they even get tickets to see the house in the first place is what I want to know. So now I have to send a report of the incident to the police and
might have to testify at a future court case. At least justice was carried out, and tonight there are two fewer creeps out on the streets of Springfield. Oh, and why did they really get thrown off of their tour? It was because they started making the other people on the tour uncomfortable by arguing with the ranger about Lincoln owning slaves. They were absolutely convinced that Abraham Lincoln owned slaves. Hmmmmm, have they ever read the Emancipation Proclamation or the Thirteenth Amendment? With such
inquisitive minds you think they would know stuff like that.