The Great Influenza

Well, it could have been worse--if it was 1918 during the infamous flu pandemic, it would have definitely been worse. But it was pretty bad. I felt like I was going to die. I have never ever ever ever been that sick before. On Saturday morning I woke up at about 4:00 with a bit of a stomach ache. At 6:00 a.m. the first bout of nausea hit, and I threw up. It quickly went downhill from there. I was getting very sick about every 20 minutes. Greg went to get me some Gatorade and medicine, but unfortunately everything I put into my mouth came back out one way or another. I have honestly never felt that gross before. Greg took me into Springfield to the insta-care clinic, but insta-care wasn't so "insta" that morning. They said it would be a three hour wait, and I told Greg that I couldn't survive for another three hours. So we went to the Memorial Hospital ER. We had to wait for a little while there, but not for three hours. While we were waiting, I told the nurse that I needed to go to the bathroom, so she sent another nurse with me to get a sample of my bowels. All I can say is that I feel really, really, really, really sorry for that poor nurse. I bet that was her worst day of work ever. I went back out to the waiting area, but then I started feeling really nauseous, so I took my little garbage bag and stepped outside to throw up. I was soooooo thirsty, and I asked the nurse if I could please have just a little sip of water. She said they didn't want me to drink anything yet, but she would see if she could bring me a little something. But she never brought me anything :-( They finally called us back, and they had me get into a hospital gown and told me that they were going to draw some blood and hook me up to an IV--two of my least favorite things. I told them that the last time I had blood drawn I passed out, so they had me lay down, and I didn't pass out. They told me that they had to hook me up to an IV to get me re-hydrated and to give me some anti-nausea medicine. Even the thought of an IV makes me nauseous, but I couldn't have been more nauseous than I already was, so even though I didn't like it, I survived the IV. I asked the doctor if I could have something to drink and she said she would bring me some Sierra Mist. That sounded good, but it was about two hours before I got my Sierra Mist :-( The anti-nausea medicine was making me really loopy, and I kept asking Greg the same questions over and over again. The first IV bag finally emptied itself, and I thought we could go home, but then they took my blood pressure, determined it was too low, and hooked up another IV bag. Then I fell asleep for a while. At one point the records man came in to get our insurance information. He said, "Are you Tiffany Bowels?" Greg said, "No, it's Bowles." The guy said, "Oh, I'm so sorry." I said, "Whatever, it might as well be Bowels today." We were finally able to leave the hospital at 4:00 after being there for about six hours.

I fell asleep on the way home and went right to bed when we arrived back at home. I slept until about 8:00 p.m. I decided to try getting up for a minute, so I ate some pudding and was watching TV with Greg when out of nowhere nausea hit me again. Unfortunately I didn't make it into the bathroom in time, and I created a BIG recycled Gatorade and chocolate pudding mess throughout the house. You know it's nasty when your funeral director husband, who has seen all manner of grossness, starts to gag a bit! Poor Greg. It was all over my clothes, my face, the floor--everything. So we mopped everything up, put my clothes in the washer, and I got into the shower. Thankfully that was my last throw up episode. I then went to bed for the next 16 hours. My tummy felt better when I woke up, but I hurt everywhere. I don't really remember much about yesterday except that I ate some Jello, went to bed again, ate some crackers, slept some more, watched some episodes of "The Office," talked with my family on the webcam, went to bed again, and then woke up this morning. I still feel like I got hit by a truck, but at least the nausea is gone. The hospital people said it was nothing but a bout of the stomach flu and that I should be feeling better within the next 72 hours. It was a long and terrible weekend. Oh, and I think that the University of Utah football team should be declared national champions for being the only undefeated team this season.